how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
