i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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