Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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