How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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