I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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