I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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