Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
