You're my little dorito
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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