This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
