elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
