Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize