all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
