You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
