and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
