Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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