fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
