This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
