I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
