that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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