What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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