I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
