Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
