I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
