now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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