I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
