The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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