im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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