it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
