Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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