i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
