Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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