She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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