I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
