mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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