Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
