whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
