ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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