so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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