my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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