I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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