K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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