Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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