Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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