So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
