You work out of a Hotel?
She said her name was "party"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
