You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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