Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
