the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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