i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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