imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
