Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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