omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
