They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
