I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can I color on your dick again?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
