So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize