how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
