I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
