Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
