I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
