She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
