Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
