I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
