I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
