fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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