I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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