Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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