Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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