Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
