She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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