Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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