Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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