i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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