We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
