when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize