So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
