my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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