Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
