we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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