He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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