Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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