I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
