Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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