I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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