better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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