sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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