That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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