I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
