I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
