If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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