She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
