i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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