i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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