dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
