I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
