so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
COCAINE IS GR8
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