Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
