Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
