Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
