So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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