At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize