i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
