..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
